Pokemon Reset Bloodlines - The Movie - The Fanfiction
by Ander Arias
Summary: That's right folks! The acclaimed and popular fanfic "Pokemon Reset Bloodlines" is getting a movie adaptation! Check inside for details!


**Pokemon Reset Bloodlines: The Movie: The Fanfiction**

…

In the middle of Saffron City, there was an skyscraper. Well, truth be told, there were many, but only this one was important for the matter at hand. This skyscraper was where the Pokemon TV had its headquarters, and it has been on the top floor, the studio's board members were discussing their next big project. The president, however, had already an idea.

"I see everybody is here, so let's begin our meeting," the president declared. "We need a big blockbuster for the next summer, and thankfully, I already have an idea over what it could be."

The president pressed a button on a remote, and a screen appeared behind him, showing clips of the young Pallet Town native trainer Ash Ketchum battling in different tournaments and Gym battles.

"Our network acquired the broadcasting rights of Ash Ketchum and Gary Oak, both from Pallet Town. Of the two of them, Ash is proving the more popular of the two. Hence, I believe we could make a very profitable movie based on his Pokemon journey. Now, do you any of you have any good ideas on how should we approach this?" the president asked, looking at the rest of the board members.

"If I may," a dark, distorted bone chilling voice said.

Everybody looked around at the source of the voice, a knight with black and red spiked armor, a helmet of the same color that obscured his face, radiating a cold aura of pure evilness around him. Despite his appearance, nobody really questioned his presence there, as he has been one of the most veteran executive members of the studio.

It was possibly the least malicious being among those gathered in that room.

"Ah, Mr. Darkern Edgier, I knew you'd be among the first ones to come up with an idea," the president said. "Do you mind sharing your idea with us?"

The dark knight smiled under his helmet. "It will be my pleasure, Mr. president. You see, Ash Ketchum is a good trainer. The main problem with a direct adaptation of his journey is that older audiences might find him way too tame and even boring, that's why I suggest..."

…

 _He finally did it. The Lavender Tournament had been a hell on earth for the young trainer, but at least he had made it to the finals. Now, only one last obstacle stood between him and being the winner. The Viridian City native, and almost-lookalike, Red Tajiri._

" _Trainers ready?" the referee asked, looking at both Ash and Red._

" _I can't lose here. Not after half my team gave their lives so I could win this tournament. Their sacrifice won't be in vain!" Ash claimed._

" _And you think you're the only one who lost somebody? I promised my faithful companion Yellow that I would win this tournament shortly before she was killed by that evil Caterpie back then. I will win this tournament for her!"_

" _Come on Ash, you can do it!"_

" _We believe in you!"_

 _Behind Ash were two girls, one with orange hair, and another one with long, purple hair and darker skin. The two of them were wearing tank tube tops that could barely contain their enormous mammaries, very short miniskirts that bared their long legs, and high heeled shoes._

" _Don't worry girls. When I win this thing, we will celebrate it like we know," Ash said, shooting them a charming smile, making them swoon._

" _Gentlemen, choose your Pokemon!" the referee said._

" _Go Rayquaza!" Ash said, tossing his pokeball forward, releasing the Lord of the Skies._

" _Your little green snake has nothing to do against me! Now behold what a true Legendary Pokemon looks like! Go Mewtwo!" Red said, as the Genetic Pokemon was released from its pokeball._

" _Rayquaza versus Mewtwo, begin!" the referee said._

" _Rayquaza, Hyper Beam!" Ash ordered._

 _The gigantic dragon let out a deafening cry as energy particles started to gather in its mouth, reading the deadly attack. Once the energy gathered was enough, it was fired in the form of a yellow colored destructive beam at Mewtwo._

" _Mewtwo, use Lightscreen!" Red commanded._

 _Mewtwo nodded, and created a golden energy bubble around itself that succesfully stopped Rayquaza's attack, deflecting it in multiple directions. Too bad some of those directions were where some of the spectators were sitting, and the hyper beam burned them from the inside out, reducing them to bits of scorched flesh._

 _The smell of the burning flesh attracted several Murkrow, who proceed to happily gobble the chunks of fried meat that used to be living people with hopes and dreams not too long ago. Their sacrifice would ensure that those Murkrows would enjoy a warm meal._

" _Now that it needs to recharge, it's our time to counterattack! Mewtwo, use Psystrike!"_

 _Mewtwo closed its eyes as it focused its psychic power, and directed it towards its opponent. Pink and purple energy orbs started to appear all across the battleground, illuminating it with an eerie light. Then, with a hand motion, all energy orbs flied towards Rayquaza, exploding upon contact. The Legendary dragon cried in pain._

 _Though some orbs missed their target, and exploded against several sections of the stands, instantly killing the unfortunate spectators, who went down in an burst of blood and guts as if they were in a giant blender with no lid._

" _Yes, direct hit!" Red cheered._

" _Rayquaza, no!" Ash shouted, before he reigned himself in. "It's okay, it takes much more than that to take you out, right? Show that freak your Outrage!"_

 _Rayquaza let out another deafening roar, as it started to glow with a fiery red aura, before it launched itself towards Mewtwo. The speed of the legendary dragon was so great, Mewtwo was unable to dodge it, and was hurled upwards by the impact. Rayquaza somehow flied past Mewtwo once again, and the dragon smacked it down into the ground. Rayquaza repeated the process multiple times, landing several brutal hits on Mewtwo, until the effect of the attack wore off, and became confused._

" _Yes, good job, Rayquaza! Now try to snap out of your confusion and deliver the final blow!" Ash commanded._

 _Red, however, wasn't impressed. "A devastating attack, indeed, but in the end, it will do little to Mewtwo."_

" _What are you talking about? Your Mewtwo is so badly beaten it can't even stand on its feet!" Ash pointed out._

" _It won't be for much longer! Mewtwo, use Recover!" Red ordered._

 _Mewtwo glowed with a faint white light, and all his wounds slowly disappeared. It looked as good as when the match began._

" _Oh, really? Well, Rayquaza, use Recover too!" Ash commanded._

 _Just like Mewtwo, Rayquaza healed all its wounds from the previous attack, including the confusion caused by the Outrage wearing off._

" _Wait a minute, Rayquaza can't learn Recover! There's no way it can do that!" Red protested._

" _I once defeated a Rhydon with an electric attack! Don't tell me what my Pokemon can or can't do!" Ash countered._

" _Oh Ash, you're suuuuuuuuuuch a great trainer," Misty and Iris cooed in unison. And for some reason, they were now stripped to their underwear._

" _Now Rayquaza, use Aeroblast!" Ask commanded, ignoring the fact that Rayquaza couldn't learn that move either; not that it mattered._

 _Rayquaza took a deep breath, and released a beam of hyper pressured air at Mewtwo. Red, however, wasn't going let his Mewtwo take it._

" _Come on Mewtwo, counter it with Shadow Ball!" Red ordered._

 _Mewtwo nodded, and started to form a sphere of pure darkness between his hands. The sphere started to expand until it was as big as Mewtwo itself, and then tossed it towards the incoming Aeroblast._

 _How Mewtwo had time to do that after the Aeroblast was fired, no one really knew. Anyway, both attacks collided, resulting in a massive explosion that left a huge crater in the middle of the battleground._

 _The massive heat generated by the explosion burned a good chunk of the audience to death as if they were hot dogs in an oven. Those who were lucky to survive had their body pierced multiple times by the equally massive amount of sharpnel the explosion launched in every direction, and blood poured from their blood at high pressure as if they were living sprinklers, painting the stands in a colorful ruby red._

" _It seems we reached a stalemate," Red thoughtfully said. "As much as I hate to admit it, the power of our Pokemon and our skill as trainers is pretty similar."_

" _I agree," Ash replied. "However, I have something that will break such stalemate!" Ash proudly said as he raised his keystone above his head. "With this keystone I got at the beginning of the tournament, I can Mega Evolve Rayquaza! So come on, my friend, break the bonds of evolution, and reach your true form!"_

 _The keystone started to glow, and energy beams of multiple colors flied from it towards the Sky High pokemon. Once they reached it, Rayquaza transformed into its Mega form, growing bigger, longer, stronger, more powerful, and more importantly, cooler._

" _Don't get so cocky, Ketchum, you forget that I also got a keystone for entering the tournament, and I can use it to Mega Evolve Mewtwo!" Red replied, as he pulled out his own keystone._

" _But your Mewtwo doesn't have a Mega Stone, and Rayquaza is the only Pokemon that can Mega Evolve without one!" Ash pointed out._

" _Screw the rules, I'm poor!" Red replied, leaving Ash a bit confused._

" _...uhmmm, what?"_

" _Okay, that sound far better in my head," Red admitted. "Let me try again: Oh, that's rich coming from a guy whose Rayquaza can use Aeroblast and Recover! Come on Mewtwo, Mega Evolve now!"_

 _Just like before, tendrils of light shot from Red's keystone, flowing towards Mewtwo. The Genetic Pokemon was engulfed by a bright light, and transformed. When the light ceased, Mewtwo looked way bulkier; it had an organic grayish purple armor covering most of his body. The armor had spikes protuding from it at the shoulders, forearms and knees. A glowing purple aura emanated from its body._

" _Now, behold, Mega Mewtwo XYZ, Mewtwo's secret third Mega Evolved form that doesn't need a Mega Stone!" Red boasted._

" _Your psychic freak does not scare us! Come on Mega Rayquaza, show it what you're made of!" Ash commanded._

 _Both Mega Evolved Pokemon dashed towards each other, and traded powerful blows. Mewtwo bombarded Rayquaza with psychic-generated energy beams and orbs, while Rayquaza countered with streams of hyper pressurized air and draconic blasts. As their fought, they started to fly in the sky each time higher, to the point that they became barely visible from the ground._

" _Time to finish this, Mega Rayquaza! Use Hyper Draco Annihilator!" Ash commanded._

 _Rayquaza nodded, and started to glow with a green light. The sky then turned red, as massive, scorching meteors started to rain upon the Earth._

" _Not so fast! Counter it with Psychicalyptic Nova Blast!" Red commanded._

 _Mewtwo's purple aura began to glow with more intensity, as it's body released a powerful energy nova in every direction, shattering some of the incoming meteors, redirecting others, but letting some pass. The force of both attacks clashing resulted in a series of explosions that spread around the surface of the planet. Earthquakes shook the world, as mutlipe tsunamis sunk a hundred coastal cities. Volcanoes erupted everywhere, covering the land in a sheet of lava. The force of the explosion reached to the very core of the Earth, which ended up having the side effect of cracking the planet in two._

 _When the resulting armaggedon ceased, the stadium had been destroyed, and only four people were miraculously alive: Ash, Red, and Misty and Iris, who started to kiss and make out for no reason._

 _Rayquaza and Mewtwo looked tired and spent, and had their bodies covered in burns and bruises, but still had energy to stand, or better said, float._

" _I admit that your snake is strong, Ash, but you should know something: this isn't even Mewtwo's final form!" Red dramatically declared. "Now, Mega Mewtwo XYZ, is about time for you to become...Ultra Mewtwo XYZ!"_

…

"I have a question," another board member said, interrupting Darkern's pitch, as he was checking something on his phone. "What's a Mewtwo? I checked the internet and found nothing on it. Is that a new Pokemon that has been recently discovered?"

The black knight groaned, as he realized the mistake in his pitch. "Oh, right. I forgot you cartoon beings lack beyond the fourth wall vision and knowledge. Mr. president, I request some time to adjust my pitch so it can be understood by the inferior minds."

"Ah, you're always thinking in the moviegoers first and foremost. That's what I like about you, Mr. Edgier," the president said, before looking at the rest of the board members. "While Darkern has set up the bar pretty high, I still want to hear your ideas too!"

One hand rose immediately after, and a much less imposing man than Darkern with opaque and thick glasses spoke right after.

"With all due respect, while Mr. Edgier's suggestion is certainly worth of consideration, the whole thing just reeks of the 'Darker and Edgier' trend which mostly appeals to teenagers, it's not efficient to aim a blockbuster only to that crowd." The man adjusted his glasses, ignoring the rather bloody death threats being thrown his way. "I believe to have a pitch able to bring in a much larger paying crowd, alongside opening the possibility for some nominations in the future."

The word 'nominations' was enough to send the whole room into a frenzy of whispering and discussing, and for the President's eyes to lit up.

"Go on, please," he said as he intertwined his fingers.

The man snickered proudly. "Gladly. Behold, the movie everyone will love!"

...

 _Ash Ketchum: The Boy Whose Unbound Love and Friendship Conquered All Hardships_

 _As the young boy observed his house in the Pallet Town slums being destroyed by the bulldozers, Ash Ketchum couldn't help but shed a single tear that glistened over his perfectly defined yet youthful and marketable face. His loyal blind Pikachu on his shoulder licked his cheek and ruffled his blond hair, trying to cheer up he who saved him from drowning alongside all his family._

 _Ash Ketchum, ever the kind soul, wiped away the diamond tears from his only friend's useless eyes, passing a hand over the scarred and charred fur where his previous trainer had abused him for years, the indelible marks of the cruelty of the world for all to see and consider in extremely philosophical musings._

 _"I'm fine, Pikachu." The boy said, his eyes glistening with an ancient pain that no boy his age should've lived through, his youthful and handsome face appearing extremely pitiable and moving as he masked his inner conflict worth a thousand Oscars. "You don't have to worry about me."_

 _And with those solemn worlds masking his sadness and insecurities, the mind of the youth wandered back to simpler times, when everything changed, all rendered in greyscale for maximum artistic value._

 _Ash and his trusty partner were prone over the bedridden woman, her perfectly defined and beautiful face showing all the pain and damage her vaguely defined but definitely tragic illness had inflicted to her. On the side Mimey, the trusty caretaker of the house, drowned his sorrows on alcohol, unable to bear the tragedy of reality ahead of him._

 _"Mom!" The blonde boy yelled, tightening the grip that was the only anchor to the world of living for the gorgeous and emphatically ill woman that was his mother, in spite of her not quite noticeable age gap. "Mom, stay with me! Please!"_

 _The woman didn't say anything, simply turning around for a soft smile towards her only child, a scene perfectly framed and accompanied with sad violins, enough to open the floodgates of billions of spectators._

 _"There's nothing you can do about me..." She caressed her boy's cheek, her soft smile twitching briefly. "Live... be happy... enjoy everything... and please, always make sure you smile, because your smile... is the most precious thing of..."_

 _And then, with a perfect and rehearsed gesture, her hand fell just as life slipped off Ash's hold. The boy couldn't hold all the pain exploding from his body, and threw his head up to the sky in a primal scream of pain worth a Best Actor nomination._

 _"Moooooooooooooooom!"_

 _The informative and artistic flashback ended, Ash Ketchum shook his fist proudly, a relatable and amazing burst of determination surging upward, as he and his blind partner traded glances._

 _"It's time, Pikachu." The boy and his Pokémon turned around, towards the tall snowy mountains surrounding Pallet Town, not at all resembling a remote Sinnoh village where shooting a movie would be cheaper. "We'll be the very best."_

 _THIS WAS IT, THE BEGINNING OF A TALE UNLIKE ANY OTHER..._

 _THIS SUMMER..._

 _"Pwah! An idiot like you, becoming a Pokémon Master? Slum rats like you shouldn't even own Pokémon!" the gang member said, laughing at the defeated Ash and Pikachu even as the boy and his Pokémon stared defiantly at him and his cronies, instantly estabilishing an emotive connection to the viewer._

 _WITNESS THE STORY OF A BOY WHO HAD NOTHING, BUT GAVE EVERYTHING TO OTHERS..._

 _"Why are you doing all this? Why are you being so nice to me?" the wild girl asked, her white skin shining brighter than ever in the moonlight, just as her perfectly manicured hands cleared the running makeup from her eyes, years without contact with other people showing in her loneliness, while her tuskless Axew sobbed at her side._

 _The boy just smiled as he rubbed her long, beautiful and perfectly kept hair, unmatched by any hairdo he had ever seen._

 _"Because everyone deserves to be happy in this world." Ash Ketchum gave his most vibrant smile that made several young women's hearts melt. "Can we be friends?"_

 _The way-too-old-looking girl's pearly ocular orbs shined like moonlight as the boy offered kindness like nobody else ever did in that cruel, unforgiving world, her desperation and need for companionship evident as she embraced the boy as if he could melt away into oblivion any instant._

 _"Please, stay with me," she begged through her sobs. "You are the only good thing I have left."_

 _"I will," Ash said as he embraced her back, in a scene ready to make people talk and start to pair the couple together in the most lucrative way possible for potential featurettes and get-togethers with the actors._

 _DIANTHA CARNET_

 _IS_

 _IRIS_

 _"Everyone deserves to be a Pokémon Trainer! This is a wonderful world we live in, and I will fight to save it! No matter if it costs me my life, or the one of everyone else!" Ash shouted against the unconvincingly-dyed orange haired woman, her emotionless eyes zoning in on him as she hugged her terminally ill, cancer-ridden Psyduck._

 _"Then prove it! Prove that you're not a worthless waste of space! I dare you!" She snarled, her fury and rage against the unfair world that pits man's evil against man in full display underscored by her completely flat and dull delivery. "My sisters never amounted to anything! What do you have that they didn't?"_

 _Ash and his Pikachu smiled, the blonde boy's smile turning into a grin with the right amount of cockiness to keep him likable and easy to root for, ensuring his continued empathy from the audience._

 _"Perseverance," he said in a solemn tone that was ready to become a money-making shot._

 _ELESA_

 _IS_

 _MISTY_

 _As the lights of the stadium shone upon the boy, Ash couldn't help but stare down the trainer that resembled him like a mirror image, much older, blue-haired and generally looking completely different than he did. The boy from Pallet angrily shook his fist as his determination grew further._

 _"I will keep the promise to all my fallen friends, Red. People like you can't become the Indigo League Champion!" The boy thumped his chest with endless and relatable drive. "Prepare yourself, Red! I'm going to fight for everyone's dreams here!"_

 _His identical twin scoffed, almost sneering as the pink-haired girl in a straw hat looked over him in concern, knowing that the suffering Red had endured throughout his life made him the perfect antithesis to underscore the moral that all life is precious and that Ash's way of conduct was something everyone should've aspired to follow, truly painting Ash as the unquestionable hero but still leaving him with enough appeal to be worshipped by a certain part of the demographic._

 _"Just you try it, slum rat!" Red yelled, tossing a Poké Ball skyward and releasing a giant, majestic, shiny and battle-worn Charizard ready to trend on social media, towering over the hapless and helpless protagonist._

 _CRISTOPH_

 _IS_

 _ASH KETCHUM_

 _The abominable Charizard didn't strike fear into the young Ash's mind, and instead he shared a knowing glance for Pikachu, highlighting their friendship and leaving the audience wanting to know more of how they became so close. He also turned to Iris and Misty, both girls smiling and nodding at him in an unquestionable show of chemistry._

 _And then, Ash turned back to his adversary, and pointed ahead. "Pikachu, I choose you!"_

 _And thus, Pikachu leapt off his trainer's shoulder, unleashing a powerful electric attack that segued into a nice transition into the film's logo, ending the battle just early enough to have the audience ask for more by the end of the trailer._

 _Ash Ketchum: The Movie_

 _Starring_

 _Cristoph as Ash Ketchum_

 _Diantha Carnet as Iris_

 _Elesa as Misty_

 _Fiorella Cappuccino as Red Tajiri_

 _Nancy as Yellow_

 _Brycen as Professor Oak_

 _#AshKetchumTheMovie #WeAreAllAshKetchum_

 _Coming Soon_

...

"So, what do you think of this?" The man beamed as he held his pitch high, almost admiring it. "It's beautiful, right? People love a good underdog story, and the marketing team has made sure to optimize Ash Ketchum's personal history for maximum Tear Jerker value. We haven't found a way to work in sexual abuse or drug usage yet, but we can probably find something by the time the casting calls are officially made. We're also considering moving the setting back to the Trainer-Ranger Wars, if the test audiences deem the idea plausible enough this would give our take an extra edge."

In contrast to the man's sheer enthusiasm, everyone else just blinked and tilted their heads at him. Well, everyone except for Darkern, still busy editing his piece while cackling madly like some sort of mad author.

The rest of the board looked at each other and shrugged, before the President went back to the pitch, crooking an eyebrow. "Those are quite a few liberties taken. Is his mother even actually dead? I thought she was still alive."

The bespectacled guy gave a dismissive wave. "Details, details. If anyone complains we can easily fix that, even if paying assassins is costly these days..."

The President gave the pitch another check, and then he frowned as he placed it back down.

"I don't know, I'm all for a good emotional movie, but this just feels too... artificial. Like, it just needs a sad song about how free he will be on his journey and how love will conquer all, and we'd have a perfect Oscar nomination checklist."

"Yeah, I know, we're still working on the score. The composer is unsure if to go for a solemn piano or sad guitars..."

The President stood still. Then, he groaned.

"Look, I don't think this will work out. Not to mention, the actors chosen don't even look like their roles! Ash Ketchum is not blonde, and Diantha as Iris? She's almost twice her age and isn't even black!"

"They're the biggest names the marketing department could think of for maximum star power. They will make it work by acting in the end." The man smiled proudly, only for said smile to falter briefly afterwards. "Elesa did do acting a few times, right?"

"Nope, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna turn this into the next Ghost-type in the Shelder here." The President rolled his eyes and pushed the pitch away, sighing as he turned back to the rest of his colleagues. "Anyone has something a tad less... less?"

"As expected, nothing but useless trash." A woman stood up this time, a cold look in her eyes as she gave a harsh glare towards the men who went before her. "Do you know where you went wrong? You focus far too much on things already done before. Mr. President, please allow me to present my own pitch." Without even caring about the mutterings going about around her, she focused squarely on her goal.

"Of course, please go right ahead."

"Very well, allow me to present to you, a true animated masterpiece."

...

 _By an endless field of flowers, a young boy and a Pikachu hold on tightly to an amazing sight. A large Snorlax with a umbrella made out of leaves is seen floating in the sky above. Underneath this incredible visage, several Purugly are seen pulling bus loads of Pokémon, each one small and fluffy with several Munchlax keeping everyone together._

 _"A flying Snorlax?" A young girl, her hair a bright orange with strange markings on her cheeks asked a old lady. With a wizened look in her eyes and a kindness in her smile, the old woman answers._

 _"Yes my young Kasumi. I saw it many years ago in my youth. A flying Snorlax... and his dear friend along with him."_

 _"Hey, what's your name?" Another girl, pure kindness in her smile asked a giant sleeping Snorlax. The pair where in the middle of a deep woods with the girl sitting on the creatures belly._

 _"Him?" The girl jumped, falling off the fat monster as a young male perhaps only ten years old answered, a Pikachu on his shoulder. "He's my friend and travel companion, though we just call him Kabigon."_

 _"Get back here!" The girl calls out as she chased after a Cleffa and a Munchlax, each one carrying a bag full of food. The Cleffa looks panicked as she does her best to keep up with the fun loving Munchlax._

 _"I hope you're ready." The boy said, his arms around Kabigon. The girl gives a nod before looking shocked as Kabigon springs into the nighttime sky. Noctowl and Hoothoot fly around them as an endless tree begins to grow underneath them. Several of the smaller Pokémon are seen climbing it with a Psyduck falling down it with every step it takes._

 _The trio and Pikachu land on top of the tree as the full moon is seen at its peak, Meteor's zooming across the sky creating a spectacular sight as the title of the movie appears._

 _"My Neighbour Ash."_

…

"Well, what do you all think? I have a new animation team already to go. Trust me, their designs are brilliant." The woman rubs her hands together as a look of pure happiness appears on her face.

"Well..." The president looked baffled for a second. "What exactly does this have to do with Ash Ketchum? And what exactly is the film about? You didn't really explain. I don't mind an animated film but what exactly is it?"

"Well, his likeness is used as the main character as is his name and I suppose it's a coming of age story about a friend and his true companions, his Pokémon and the people he meets and touches their hearts."

"Hmm..." The President seemed conflicted before putting the pitch down. "As interesting as it sounds, I don't think it's exactly what we have in mind for a Ash Ketchum movie. Not to mention, animation is a massive gamble, we might not be able to get all our money back, so we will have to pass on it."

"Of course sir." The woman said, her eye twitching as she gave a short bow. Her fists were clenched as rage came over her, frustrated that her brilliant idea was overlooked.

"You're all trying too hard," said another executive who looked liked he was trying too hard to cover his bald spot. "Have you not seen the tabloids on the boy? We have plenty of material from the most-certainly-not-made-up stories they got."

"Explain," said the President.

"Ash Ketchum is travelling together with no less than _three_ hot girls, and according to the gossip of Pallet Town, he's penpals with a Kalosian bombshell," said the most-certainly-not-bald executive. "There are pictures of Ash hanging out with the three girls, and his own mother confirmed he's friends with a Kalosian girl. With that part proven, the tabloids most certainly can't be wrong!"

"I like where this is going," said Darkern.

"That's right, the tabloids said that he's banging every one of them!" said the executive, and in his excitement, he didn't realise his combover no longer covered his bald spot. "Of course, we can't show anything R-rated. The censorship bureau are... are too powerful."

Every executive in the room shivered at the mention of the censorship bureau, even Darkern. So much profits they lost because of them.

"Anyway, because of _them,_ we're going with the next best thing."

...

 _In a town that was most certainly Vaniville Town and not any other town, a girl that ticked off every Kalosian girl stereotype blushed as she received a letter from her beloved. She sniffed and kissed the letter, all the while mumbling 'My precious...", completely weirding out the mailman who discretely and nonchalantly ran like hell._

 _She opened the letter and her eyes formed little hearts as she recognised her beloved's handwriting._

 _Dear Serena,_

 _I hope my letter reached you well. Anyway, I have some good news for you, I have started my journey! I have made many new friends, but you will always be one of my best friends, and I'll always love and treasure you."_

 _Love, Ash_

 _Serena smiled. "Ash loves me!" she said, conveniently forgetting Ash saw her as a friend. "Wait, there's more."_

 _PS: I got a photo with some of my new friends. Check them out, I think you'll love them!_

 _Serena found the photo, and her eyes immediately became flames. In the photo, there were three skanks all with their arms around Ash, clearly trying to seduce and corrupt_ her _Ash Ketchum with their feminine wiles._

 _But she knew her beloved. They may not be an item, but Ash's heart belonged to her alone. There were many things he did that she took out of context and twisted to prove that Ash loved her after all._

 _"But still, I think a trip to Kanto is warranted."_

 _..._

 _In a city that was most certainly Crimson City and not some other city, a girl that ticked off every swimmer girl stereotype blushed as she looked at her male companion, Ash Ketchum. He was currently swimming in the pool with her. When they reached the end, they got out and sat at the side of the pool._

 _"Nice swim Misty?" he asked with a smile that could make any girl swoon. Misty didn't like the latter part but she liked it when he smiled at her. She needed to find a way to hoard that smile._

 _"You bet Ash!" she said as she leaned forwards, hoping he'd gaze at her bust. Ash being the lovable but_ dense _boy he was, did not stare at her bust as he heard another of thei-_ his, _friends coming._

 _"Hi Iris!"_

 _Misty glared Iris, who glared back before the other girl quickly smiled at Ash at sat down on the other side of him._

 _"Hi Ash. Now, being a wild girl, I don't know how to put on sunscreen. Can you put it on for me?" she asked as the so-called wild girl put on the best pleading face she could._

 _"Sure!" said the boy who could not see through her ruse._

 _"Yay!" said Iris as she proceeded to lie down and let Ash rub sunscreen all over her._

 _Misty's glare intensified. She_ knew _Iris' story of being a wild girl was all an act. She_ knew _it was all a ruse to get sweet, innocent Ash to do all sort of things. When Ash's other friend arrived, her mood did not improve, for she was another contender._

 _Anabel was mute, but she was good at communicating through her facial expression and body language where sign language failed. And right now, she was wobbling as if she felt faint._

 _Ash noticed, and stopped rubbing Iris' back, causing the 'wild girl' to pout. He immediately caught Anabel before she could fall and carried her bridal style. He turned to her and Iris with an apologetic look._

 _"Sorry guys, but it looks like Anabel is feeling down, so I've got to take care of her. You two have fun without us, okay?" He then turned and left. Anabel then looked back at them. Her face morphed into a wicked smirk before she put her arms around Ash._

 _"You damn bitch!" shouted Misty as she chased after them._

 _..._

 _Love is in the air this season._

 _Serena checked her outfit. It was form fitting and attractive without being too obvious. "I'm ready to go! Those girls don't hold a candle towards Kalosian eye-candy!"_

 _One boy, four girls._

 _The moment Ash left the room, Serena, Misty, Iris and Anabel dropped all pretense and fought among themselves over who would get the boy._

 _Who will he choose._

 _"Ash, look! Mistletoe!" said Misty as she pointed up._

 _"Where?" asked Ash. "I don't see it."_

 _Confused, Misty also looked up, and found Iris. Smirking, she turned to the side and showed that she added the plant to her hair as a decoration._

 _"Iris, it's not good to steal Christmas decorations," said Ash._

 _"Yeah! Ash doesn't like thieves, now he'll hate you!" shouted Misty._

 _Iris ignored her and jumped down. "Woah is me, the ignorant wild girl, ignorant of human customs! Ash, please accept my sincerest apologies! I heard people are so supposed to_ kiss _and make up for this._ "

 _Iris then closed her eyes and puckered her lips and moved towards Ash Ketchum._

 _"You're wrong 'wild girl'," said Serena as she got between Ash and Iris. "That's only when_ I _make up with Ash."_

 _"How does that make sense!?" demanded the 'wild girl'._

 _That was when Anabel arrived, and she was carrying another mistletoe._

 _Serena, Misty, Iris and Anabel._

 _Only one girl will win._

 _Can Ash choose one without breaking anyone's heart?_

 _Or could he choose all of them?_

 _Could he catch them all?_

 _Find out at theaters near you!_

...

"Wait wait wait," said the President. "Where are the Pokemon?"

"The Pokemon?" asked the bald executive as he tilted his head in confusion. "Who cares about Pokemon when there's harem shenanigans to be had!?"

"There's also some errors here. Didn't the third girl join the group in Gringy City, which was after Crimson City according to the tabloids?" asked the President.

"Details schmetails," said the bald executive. "Sex sells, and harem shenanigans let's us do that without forcing the alienation of our youngest demographic."

"I love it!" said Darkern. "A shame we can't go further without incurring the wrath of... _them."_

"Well, I _don't_ ," said the President. "There isn't a single mention of Pokemon in the entire pitch, not even as a nominal presence in the background. It focuses too much on the 'sex appeal' stuff without all the other things that could make it better. Next!"

"If I'm allowed to say it, I think I have the _perfect_ idea for what we're looking for." A mysterious man stood up from his chair, a lot of confidence in his face. "I know what my colleague said earlier, but I'm confident that what we need here is a movie that catches the eye of the teenage audience."

"What do you suggest?"

The man proceeded to elaborate on his idea. "In order for a movie to attract said audience, it needs three elements: comedy, romance and plenty of action. I believe my pitch will show all of you the only movie capable of channeling the values of friendship, hard work and victory, and I assure you: it'll be a massive box office success."

"Well, isn't that interesting? Then surprise us."

"There's only one way to meld these elements together."

...

 _ASH KETCHUM: THE CHOSEN ONE'S MOVIE._

 _In a post-apocalyptic world, where hopes are all but lost, a cruel and heartless man pursues a little girl and her Axew._

 _"Help! Somebody help me!"_

 _"Pikachu use Thundershock!"_

 _A FATEFUL ENCOUNTER._

 _"Who are you?" the girl asked her savior._

 _"My name is Ash Ketchum, from Pallet Town: The Chosen One," the muscular guy, wearing a Pokémon League hat, introduced himself. A Pikachu rested over his head._

 _"You saved my life! From today, I will follow you anywhere you go!"_

 _"The path I'll be taking won't be easy. As the last descendant of the Ketchum Clan, I must face all kinds of perils."_

 _"No matter!" the girl said. "I am Iris of the Dragon Clan, and I will follow you!"_

 _The scene was interrupted by the arrival of a Charizard, who had on his back a mysterious man, whose body was covered in an old cloak. There was no way for Ash not to recognize him._

 _"Gary Oak, I didn't expect to see you here."_

 _"Well, well, Ash, so we meet again at last."_

 _THE MEETING WITH AN OLD RIVAL._

 _"Gary was like a brother to me," Ash began relating. "We met at the age of three, when we worked together in the Intergalactic Defense Department."_

 _"Why have you come here?"_

 _"You dare ask that question?!" Gary's scream scared Iris, who hid behind Ash. "Don't you remember what happened the last time we met?!"_

 _"That wasn't my fault! You know that, Gary!"_

 _"What does he mean with that?" asked Iris. "What happened the last time you guys met?"_

 _"Gary and I were training together to perfect Pallet Town's secret art. Our old master, Misty, took us in when we were just a pair of orphans and trained us so one would inherit her technique one day."_

 _"You both were trained by that woman?"_

 _"That's right, Misty was the best master we could have asked for, but…"_

 _"Just tell her at once, Ash!"_

 _"Only one of us could inherit the secret technique. We fought in a Pokémon duel, and I won."_

 _"Secret technique?" Iris asked with curiosity._

 _"There's not a moment to lose, Ash. The time has come, the final battle against Team Rocket begins now."_

 _A POWERFUL ENEMY._

 _"I am the leader of Team Rocket! What could a brat like you do against me?!"_

 _In response, Ash began laughing mad and showed a bracelet on his wrist. "Mega Evolution? You think that would be enough to defeat me?"_

 _"You underestimate me. I've not only mastered Mega Evolution; I've achieved a completely new power."_

 _"What kind of power?" the villain asked._

 _"The true form of the bonds between trainer and Pokémon: THE SUPER HYPER ULTRA EVOLUTION Z!"_

 _"Impossible!" The villain was dumbfounded. "I thought it was but a myth?!"_

 _"This is the power of friendship! Pikachu, Ultra Mega Evolve!"_

 _The bracelet in Ash's wrist burned with the intensity of a thousand suns exploding, while Pikachu began changing shape. The electric mouse curled up into a ball as its body shrank, until it turned into a small yellow ball._

 _"What is that transformation?!"_

 _Ash picked up the ball and put it in his mouth, chewing on it and even though he almost choked, he swallowed it. When he did, his body began glowing, so intensely that it forced the villain to cover his eyes._

 _"No! It's like that legend told by the People of the Stantler!"_

 _Ash Ketchum was covered in a golden armor, wielding a sword shaped in Lugia's likeness, and his hair turned completely white._

 _"Impossible… His power level has shot up! It's over 9000!"_

 _"Now I have the power of the ancient Charmander!" Ash said as he expelled his power in a blast._

 _"This cannot be! Nobody had completed this technique before!"_

 _"Disappear! Ketchum style secret art: Thousand Lightning Arrows Luster!"_

 _"NOOOOOOO!"_

 _Ash began striking the Team Rocket leader with his fists charged in electricity, and hurled him away to throw lightning at him._

 _"Let's end this now! You'll pay for killing my father!"_

 _The villain laughed. "Didn't Professor Oak tell you what happened to your father?"_

 _"Of course he did. He told me you killed him."_

 _"No Ash… I am your father."_

 _"Daddy! I've been looking all over for you!"_

 _AN UNEXPECTED TURN_

 _A huge light descended from the sky and illuminating Ash's father, he began floating without control. As they looked up, they saw a flying saucer manned by a group of Clefairy and a mysterious woman with lilac hair._

 _"No! DAD!" Ash cried out in despair, the only thing he could do._

 _"That's Anabel, Empress of Jupiter!" Iris recognized her instantly; she wasn't an enemy to take lightly._

 _"If you want to see him again, you must reach the Pokémon League." The ship flew away, but Anabel's voice still echoed. "We'll have our final fight there, and you'll pay for what you did to our planet!"_

 _"What will you do, Ash?" asked Iris, worried for her partner._

 _"I'll rescue my father," Ash said with determination. "I'll gather every single foe I've faced so far, I'll join forces with them, enter the Pokémon League and win it."_

 _Will Ash Ketchum salve his father? What's Gary Oak up to? What will Gligarman do when he learns about what happened? All this and more in the extended cut of this movie._

 _..._

"Hold on a sec! What the hell was that supposed to be?" one of the executives asked.

"This is no less than our next box office hit movie," the man said with pride.

"But it makes no sense whatsoever! What's with that explanation about Ash and Gary's past? How the hell the Team Rocket leader is Ash's father? And why did aliens show up?"

"It doesn't need to make sense. All it needs is a huge dose of action and romance to make it a hit." After a few seconds of silence, the man added. "Besides, everybody loves aliens."

"And where is the romance in this story?"

"You don't need to worry about that; all it takes is for two characters to share dialogue to get fans to pair them together."

"Yeah... we might consider it. Next!"

"I got it!" said one of the executives as Darkern finished catching up on the latest tabloids on Ash Ketchum. "How about a romantic adventure between Ash and Serena?"

Just one girl? That wasn't what Darkern would prefer.

"I mean, think about it," continued the executive. "She's penpals with Ash. Why would she do that if they were casual acquaintances? Clearly they're meant for each other!"

"I would like to point out that some people are capable of just _being friends_ ," said the President.

"Tell that to Ash's fans!" shouted the executive as he showed his phone. Darkern could see a website dedicated to the league, and it was specifically open at a forum discussing who was the best girl for Ash.

A lot of Ash's fans shipped him with his Kalosian penpal, in spite of the fact they didn't even know her name, they just called her the mystery penpal. It also became increasingly clear to Darkern that the executive was a _huge_ Amourshipper.

"Here's _my_ pitch!"

...

 _A clearly Kalosian girl and not a girl of any other nationality was waiting outside a house in the country that was clearly in Kanto and not any other region. Serena was dressed in a pink and purple dress and she checked herself over and debated whether to undo her top button or not for her important man._

 _The debate was rendered moot when her important man, Ash Ketchum, came out of the house wearing a suit._

 _They gazed at each other nervously, before they threw caution to the wind and embraced and kissed each other._

 _..._

"The end," said the executive with a huge grin on his face.

"That was short," said the President and Darkern had to agree.

"Who cares!? Ash and Serena got together and that's what matters!"

"No it's not!" shouted another executive as she stood up.

Something about the way she said that sent shivers down Darkern's spine. Darkern's sense of impending doom was only increased when he saw the fire in her eyes.

"That pitch has no plot worth caring about! Here's _my_ pitch!"

...

 _A clearly Kantonian girl and not a girl of any other nationality was waiting outside a house in the country that was clearly in Kanto and not any other region. Misty was dressed in a blue and orange dress and she checked herself over and debated whether to undo her top button or not for her important man._

 _The debate was rendered moot when her important man, Ash Ketchum, came out of the house wearing a suit._

 _They gazed at each other nervously, before they threw caution to the wind and embraced and kissed each other._

 _..._

"That's the exact same pitch as just now!" said the President.

"It's different!" insisted the woman.

"How!?" demanded the President.

"Ash got together with _Misty,_ who's clearly the best girl for him!"

"Not different enough!" said yet another executive as he stood up, and Darkern shared a look of horror with the executive who made the harem pitch. They both knew where that was going.

Now, Darkern was all for things being edgy, but not even he was brave enough to be near the most terrifying war of all. A shipping war.

"Here's the best pitch yet!"

...

 _A clearly Unovan girl-_

 _..._

"We're not going through that again!" interrupted the President.

"Yeah, Serena is clearly the best girl!" said the Amourshipping executive.

"No, Misty is!" said the Pokeshipping executive.

"Iris!" said the Negaishipping executive.

The three executives then leapt at each other and got into a massive brawl. They were now engaged in a shipping war. Darkern knew what he had to do then. He hid under the desk, closed his eyes, and cried for his mommy.

The battle between the shippers raged on and made the Trainer-Ranger wars look like a playground scuffle. Eventually, through sheer luck, the battle went into the corridor and all remaining executives felt it was safe to come out from wherever they hid.

"Guess that's dealt with," said the President, deliberately ignoring the property damage that was only increasing as the shipping war outside continued. "Next pitch?"

"I got one, and it's _perfect!_ " said one executive as she stood up.

...

 _A girl wearing a purple dress was waiting outside a house in Pallet Town. Anabel waited patiently until her important man came out wearing a suit._

 _She blushed as she saw how good Ash Ketchum looked in a suit._

 _They gazed at each other nervously, before they threw caution to the wind and embraced and kissed each other._

 _..._

"Well, what do you think?" she asked.

Darkern stared before he got up, knocked her upside the head, and threw her outside into the ongoing shipping war. He was many things, but he would not support anything that would divide a fandom along shipping factions. Shipping wars were among the most horrifying things he had ever seen in his dark and edgy life.

"Yeesh," said the clearly-in-denial-about-his-baldness executive. "Why couldn't they pick the ship-them-all option?"

"Regardless," said the President. "Next!"

"No, no, no." One of the remaining executives, who had strangely remained silent through all the mess of pitches suggested until then, finally stood to her full height with a haughty grin. "There's an obvious problem at the root here. You're all just thinking of a movie."

The director rolled his eyes. "That's kinda our area of expertise. We work on movies, and most biopics are movies. Though it seems most of our colleagues here forgot the biopic angle here..."

"You fail from two angles, my dear director: reality is boring and you think too small. No one will care for accuracy if the result is enjoyable, and just one movie won't be enough to follow a continous trainer journey nor to gain the most revenue." The woman adjusted her glasses, her grin widening. "Thus, the perfect solution is a TV show that could go on for quite a while."

The director quirked an eyebrow in interest. "A serial? That might be interesting."

The executive seemed more than pleased to hear that as she stood and brought her pitch to full attention of the other executives.

"Of course, I took some liberties with the presentation, but I'm sure it will work out."

And thus the woman presented her pitch, while all the hope the director felt crumbled into a fine dust

...

 ** _Pokemon Sentai Trainerger! Defenders of Kanto!_**

 _Once simple teenagers, all these young men and women put their skills at the disposal of the greater good! These are their adventures as they foil the schemes of the evil space syndicate Rocket-Dan and their dastardly leader, Dai Sakaking! What plot will they foil today!?_

 _ **Episode 1: The Wind of Change! The Rise of Satoshi Blue!**_

 _"Welcome, Ash Ketchum, to the base of the Tokumei Special Mission Branch: a secret facility meant to fight the evil empire, Rocket-Dan!" Their leader, Professor Oak, said to the young blue-clad boy and his Pikachu. He then pointed to each of the girls ahead of him, dressed in yellow, black, purple and pink._

 _"Let me introduce you to your new team. These are Misty, our underwater explorer, Iris, our combat instructor, Anabel, tactical officer, and Serena, our... backup supporter. Girls, this is our new teammate, Ash Ketchum."_

 _"So we get another boy in the team. Nice." Iris smirked, checking him up and down._

 _Ash put a hand over his chest, giving them a grin. "I hope to be a good asset for the team, everyone!"_

 _"Tsk, do you really think you will do good?" Asked a boy in Red, staring at the newcomer after popping out from a conveniently out-of-view angle "You're nothing but a loser in my eyes."_

 _And then, the red-clad boy left as soon as he did, leaving Ash speechless and confused._

 _The Professor shrugged. "Don't mind him, he's Red, our leader. He's been looking forward to having someone he could have an intense rivalry with."_

 _ **Episode 2: Shine for the Future! The Brave Reddo Red's Sacrifice!**_

 _"Red!" Ash yelled, he and Red both clad in bright spandex of blue and red respectively, as he held his mentor in the middle of the collapsing base._

 _"Don't… give up… take my power… you have to… protect everyone," Red said weakly, raising a shaky hand at his newest friend._

 _"I promise. Your death won't be in vain."_

 _Red stared at him. "My… death? You're just… leaving me… to die alone?"_

 _"Yes," Ash said as he rushed the hell out of the blazing inferno._

 _After a mournful, touching speech, Ash cleared his throat and stared at what was now his team._

 _"So, as the new leader of the Trainergers..."_

 _"WHAT?! Wait a minute, who died and made you leader?" Professor Oak._

 _"Uhm… Red did?"_

 _ **Episode 5: The Conflict Brews! The Evil of Rocket-Dan!**_

 _"Don't try to stop me," Ash said_

 _"Who said we're gonna stop you? You're free to go. But we're not gonna let you play hero alone."_

 _"Er... you don't happen to have a giant Pokémon the same size as that thing, do you?" Ash asked, looking at the now giant Rocket-Dan Underling ahead of them._

 _"We have a Tyranitar giant robot we just got delivered," Misty pointed out._

 _Ash grinned. "That'll do just as fine."_

 _ **Episode 16: The Fifth Trainerger! Showcase your Power, Serena!**_

 _"This enemy is too strong! What can we do, Ash?" Misty asked, she and the others all wearing color-coordinated spandex suits just like Ash's, as they laid defeated in front of the weekly Rocket-Dan Underling._

 _Ash gulped, at a loss of words. "I don't know! If only Red was still here..."_

 _"We don't need Red!"_

 _Misty widened her eyes. "Serena? What are you-"_

 _"Trainer Change!"_

 _Serena held a pink-colored morpher ahead of her, and before everyone could realize it, Serena was clad in heroic pink spandex. A new legendary warrior was born!_

 _"The Pink Phoenix of Purity and Power! The Energetic Sparkly Princess of the Stage! The Great Warrior, Serena Pink!" The new Trainerger declared, striking a mighty and heroic pose as several pink explosions went off behind her, defeating several poor mooks that were ready for a surprise attack._

 _Iris and everyone else was speechless at that. "Wow..."_

 _"She's so cool..."_

 _"Serena is the fifth Trainerger!?" Ash asked, utterly confused._

 _Serena Pink pointed ahead and ran forward. "Beware, Rocket-Dan! Your enemy has-"_

 _And then she tripped and fell face-first on the floor, giving a pained cry. Neither the monster of the week nor any of the regular cast had any word for that._

 _"... Well, we're screwed." Anabel shook her head._

 ** _Episode 24: The Deadly Baseball Duel! Anabel is the Key to a Homerun!?_**

 _"The key to infiltrate their secret base is this. If we can manage to make the Rocket-Dan Underling falter, victory will be ours!" Ash said, rising a fist in victory._

 _Anabel gulped, blushing and turning away. "Do I really have to?"_

 _"There's no other way, Anabel." Misty placed a hand over her shoulder. "To save the world, you will need to juggle several Nanab Berries."_

 _"But what about the ceremony being held at the same time?" Serena asked, head tilted._

 _"Iris is already taking care of the Chatot delivery as we speak."_

 _ **Episode 32: The Return of the Phoenix! Reddo Red against Satoshi Blue!**_

 _"Red? How can you be alive?" Ash asked, stepping back against the half-mechanical form of his old team mate._

 _"Rocket-Dan saved me from death and rebuilt me as the ultimate cyborg, Aka Red Reddo obu za Phoenix!" He declared, fist raised in the sky as ominous music played._

 _"Obviously, you will now side with us since you have no reason to follow them, right?"_

 _"Nah, Rocket-Dan has a better insurance plan against explosions."_

 _Ash frowned. "Drat, I knew Professor Oak should've improved ours!"_

 _ **Episode 37: Farewell, Red! The Phoenix's Last Flight!**_

 _"No! Red! Return with us, it's not too late!" Ash yelled, just as he and Red stood again in the middle of the enemy base, where Red once perished._

 _Red shook his head in shame. "I'm too far gone, Ash. The things I did can't be forgiven!"_

 _"That's not true! Everyone is ready to forgive you! We were even planning a surprise party for you!"_

 _"... What would have been the presents?"_

 _"A bunch of recycled gifts. I think Anabel was gonna give some nail polish."_

 _Red stood still for a second. Then, he stared at the power source of the latest evil scheme of Rocket-Dan._

 _"Truly, this is an unforgiving world." He raised a hand in cool salute. "Take care, Ash. You will be a wonderful leader!"_

 _And thus, Red fell to his death, saving the universe with his noble sacrifice._

 _Ash stared at his rival yet oldest friend's demise in utter shock, before he threw his head up in anguish. "Nooooooooooooooo! Why were you so inevitable, fate? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!"_

 _ **Episode 50: The Trainerger's Last Battle! Soar the Skies, Our Heroes!**_

 _"This is the end, Trainergers! Me, the Rocket-Dan Emperor Dai Sakaking, has attained the ultimate power! How can you hope to match it!?" The Ultimate Evil, Dai Sakaking Satan Form, told to the hapless Trainergers ahead of him. The scene was tense, but Satoshi Red only stepped forward. Then he gave a shrug._

 _"A bunch of all these robots we got the last year."_

 _And thus, a combination of about twenty or so colorful Pokémon-themed mechas reduced the ultimate evil in the ultimate ketchup stain before Dai Sakaking could even yell 'Sonna Bakana!'._

 _Iris blinked as she observed the gathered mechas. "Well, that was anticlimatic."_

 _"What? We had an easy way to win. No reason to drag out the fight."_

 _"Makes sense I guess. Oh well, Earth's saved, that's what matters."_

 _And thus, all the Trainergers returned home to enjoy a well-deserved peace and a nice cup of tea._

 _...  
_  
"This is all just a sample, of course. These kinds of shows are all the rage among the young boys demographic, and it'd guarantee a source of steady income for at least four years. After that, we can just rerun the thing from scratch for a new set of viewers. Perfect formula for eternal revenue!" the executive explained, cackling madly in her own triumph.

The president could just stare at the other executive like she was insane. Then, he shook his head and reigned in the need to tell her how pretty much everything of the pitch was wrong.

"I won't even dignify this with a comment. Next!"

Darkern got from his seat again. "Okay, this time I have it! So, going back to Ash and Red's battle in Lavender..."

…

" _Gentlemen, choose your Pokemon!" the judge said._

" _Go, Charmeleon!" Red said, tossing a pokeball forward. The pokeball released one of Red's most trusted, as well as powerful Pokemon._

" _Alright then, Goomy, I choose you!" Ash replied, sending his newest team member to its first competitive battle._

" _Goomy!" the slug-like dragon happily cried._

" _Okay Goomy, I know that this is your first match, but with that move we practiced, victory will be assured!" Ash emphatically said._

" _Goomy!" Goomy nodded, and put on his best determined face._

" _Charmeleon versus Goomy, begin!" the referee said._

" _Goomy, use your Rocket Launcher!" Ash hollered._

 _From within his gelatinous body, Goomy pulled out a large rocket launcher, larger than his whole body. He took aim at his rival, and fired a missile._

" _Char!?" Red's Charmeleon asked in shock, as he barely jumped out of the missile's way._

 _Even if it missed its target, the missile continued flying. Right at were Red was standing. The Viridian City native had no time to react before the missile hit him, and blew him to pieces._

 _A deafening silence fell over the stadium upon witnessing Red's very gruesome death. It lasted until the referee of all people opened his mouth._

" _Since Red's no longer here, his absence counts as forfeit! Hence, Ash wins the match, and thus he becomes the champion of the tournament!"_

 _Upon hearing such announcement, the crowd erupted into a wild cheer, chorusing Ash's name, followed by multiple shouts of praise._

" _We did it, Goomy! We won our first tournament!" Ash exclaimed in joy._

 _But Ash's joy wouldn't stop there. Goomy then started to glow, as his body started to grow bigger. Everybody watched in awe as Goomy evolved, until it transformed into a new Pokemon._

" _RAYQUAZA!" the newly evolved Rayquaza cried._

" _Oh Goomy, you evolved into Rayquaza! I'm so happy right now!" Ash cried in joy._

…

"...well? What do you think?" Darkern asked the president.

The president didn't look anymore impressed as earlier. They were getting nowhere.

"Eh...it's very..." the president was interrupted when the phone besides him started ringing. "Hello? Yes, it's me...wait, what? Are you sure? And he's available too? Oh boy, those are some good news! I'll tell the rest of the board members!" the president effusively said, before hanging up. "Ladies and gentlemen, forget about Ash. The perfect summer blockbuster just fell into our laps."

…

Meanwhile, in some random city, Ash, Misty, Iris and Anabel were in looking a poster on a wall, utterly dumbfounded –especially Iris–, as they tried to make sense out of it. It depicted a scantily clad human woman in the arms of a colorful robot. The title _Fifty Shades of Cybertron: Mechanical Hearts Also Lust for Love_ could be read.

"I don't understand," Iris spoke up. "Why is that woman looking at that metallic man as if she wants to mate with him? It shouldn't be possible."

"Beats me," Ash said in defeat, as he shrugged.

"The movie industry really decayed a lot during the past years, didn't it?" Misty asked, just as cynical.

"Yeah, sometimes I wonder what's going through the heads of the guys who greenlight some movies," Ash replied.

"Indeed. The very idea of a superior electronic and mechanical entity romancing a clearly inferior organic being is simply beyond ridiculous," Dexter spoke up, earning a few glares from the four humans present. "No matter how hard you stare at me, you won't change an objective fact."

* * *

 **Author's Note: First of all, Happy Easter, and happy April's Fools Day.**

 **So, to commemorate this special day, Viroro-kun and I came up with this idea of a comedic oneshot that would parody trends in both movies, TV series, and of course, fanfiction. Other writers besides the two of us collaborated in this project. If you want to know which one wrote what, here's the breakdown:**

 **Ander Arias: Pokemon by Michael Bay (1st and last snips)**

 **Viroro-kun: Oscar Bait Movie With a Dash of Whitewashing (2nd Snip) and Super Sentai Parody (7th snip)**

 **ShadowNinjaKoopa: Pokemon by Studio Ghilbi (3rd snip)**

 **Partner555: Gotta Catch'em All the Girls (4th snip) and Shipping War (6th snip, this one with FoxBlueReaver's involvement)**

 **BRANDON369: Cliche Storm Unleashed (5th snip)**

 **Thanks to Vinnylshadow for the cover image.**

 **Anyway, hope you had as much fun reading this story as we had writing it. Seriously, it was a blast. Can't wait until doing it again next year. Also, don't forget to review!**


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